I was recently talking about a so-called “relationship problem” having a young woman.
She’s thirty five years old and though she states that she anxiously wanted to become married with kids at this point, it has not taken place.
This relationship goal of hers is the target of her for just a dozen years, and each year that “happily ever after” life has eluded her she has grown more unhappier with her life.
She complains that the many individual men that she meets come out to be “losers”.
(Another unhappy relationship design of hers is definitely angry rage pattern of verbal encounter that she explodes into when her targets are certainly not greeted in a relationship.)
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I tried explaining to her that the longer she waits for her life to improve the psychological state of her, her structure of unhappiness grows more and deeper engrained. Which means she is going to feel more and more trapped in unhappiness under all types of conditions.
She insisted that her unhappiness is an end result of her not being in a loving relationship and she went on to blame her anger and melancholy on the men who may have let the down of her.
This standpoint of hers represents what we are able to call UNCONDITIONAL unhappiness.
I told her, “While you believe that the despondency of yours would instantly lift whether you could just get a lucky marriage, you’d find out quickly that the anguish of yours and anger returns even if you did meet up with male of your dreams. Why? Because your negative emotional pattern is habitual.”
So long as we create our unhappiness someone else’s responsibility, and blame it on our life conditions, we enhance an unhappy attitude which looks progressively inescapable.
One more factor at play here involves the so-called “losers” she is drawing.
Provided we be in a negative emotional state, we really cannot attract or even search for positive, mentally healthy individuals to connect with.
We repel emotionally healthy individuals on a conscious or perhaps subconscious level, because our attitude problem “radiates” and others “pick up on” the bad emotional imbalance we live in.
Do YOU have problems with UNCONDITIONAL unhappiness?
The way out begins as you are taking responsibility for your emotional reactions and attitudes toward life and toward folks, instead of regarding your circumstances or another person as accountable for how you think.
The next task is to examine the perceptions of yours and mental states until you appreciate how the negativity of yours, not the circumstances of yours, is really all that is short in the way between you and happiness.
The third step will be to patiently and persistently work on becoming much more mindful of the emotions of yours and the attitudes of yours, therefore you are able to practice being somewhat LESS angry and also free and unhappy yourself from the habit of unhappiness, little by small, on a daily basis.
As an outcome, you are going to find the life of yours to be far more beautiful simply the way that it is, you will bring in “better” men and women into your life, as well as you will be more emotionally consistent and resilient if you do find a true “winner” of a mate for a more healthy, happier marriage.